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21-Oct-2019 04:50
And surely anything that can be marshaled against the forces of loneliness is a good thing.
Nevertheless, I was surprised to find, upon moving out of NYC, that there’s still considerable stigma surrounding the practice, that in certain quarters it’s considered to be the electronic equivalent of taking out a personal ad.
The term for this is “trading up.” It can lead you to think that your opportunities are virtually infinite, and therefore to question what you have. Most of the Internet dating sites still rely, as TACT did, on the questionnaire. A common observation, about both the Internet dating world and the world at large, is that there is an apparent surplus of available women, especially in their thirties and beyond, and a shortage of recommendable men.
The raw material, in the matching process, is a mass of stated preference: your desire or intolerance for certain traits and characteristics. The more sophisticated ones attempt to identify and exploit the dissonance between what you say you want and what you really appear to want, through the choices you make online. The explanation for this asymmetry, which isn’t exactly news, is that men can and usually do pursue younger women, and that often the men who are single are exactly the ones who prefer them.
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Sometimes he neglects to mention that he is a convicted felon. In 2005, in response to the success of e Harmony, began developing a new site—a longer-term-relationship operation with a scientific underpinning.
It’s fascinating if a little unsettling, and clearly a goldmine for social scientists.
That said, while it may be a new context, the human heart is still the human heart and sexual politics can only ebb and flow so much.
In spite of all the technological hoohah, familiar patterns do prevail: empathy breeds intimacy, expectation alienates, safety fosters communication, silence inspires defensiveness, the more things change, the more they stay the same: The process of selecting and securing a partner, whether for conceiving and rearing children, or for enhancing one’s socioeconomic standing, or for attempting motel-room acrobatics, or merely for finding companionship in a cold and lonely universe, is as consequential as it can be inefficient or irresolute.
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Lives hang in the balance, and yet we have typically relied for our choices on happenstance—offhand referrals, late nights at the office, or the dream of meeting cute.OK Cupid, in an analysis of its own data, has confirmed what I heard anecdotally: that men exaggerate their income (by twenty per cent) and their height (by two inches), perhaps intuiting that women pay closer attention to these data points than to any others. The white coat whom recruited for this new counter-venture was a biological anthropologist named Helen Fisher, a research professor at Rutgers and a renowned scholar of human attraction and attachment.
